wanna scream

dear Allah.i dont want to work there anymore.i dont want to go back to kota damansara anymore.i hate being there so much.too much shits memories there.i want to stay here with my family and my friends.3months for me to finish up my praktikal.dear Allah.insyaAllah.every week aku akan balik ipoh.being there just for my praktikal.ya Allah..aku tak nak balik sana.i miss my past life.without 'him' in my life.i miss go to class every morning at 8a.m.sometimes i feel so lazy then i'll call my lecturer n said that miss am not feeling well.so happy.maybe im not really into what people call'work experience work life'..i know its so heaven.by having gain your own money.for this time being,maybe im not yet.if you're happy with ur work everthing will fine.but not me.so fucking shit.can u blah from my life.i want to do the same thing like what you do laa.damn!why why why!!!!seriesly.i need new enviroment please.took pictures together with a sweet smiles auwww so sweet right.can smile can happy.like a phrase 'kebahagian mu di atas penderitaanku'.aku percaya pada keadilan Allah S.W.T wahai manusia.engkau buat hidup aku macam dalam separuh gila.kosong.hancur lebur bagai apa lagi dah tak tau dah.its look like how stupid you're farah!but what can i do.berserah berdoa.InsyaAllah.

i should not

the mosy stupid thing i did is gave her chance to explain and appologize?damn.my friends please do not blame me.you know me well.she started in polite way  why must i be rude?im not that rude right.i know.what they did to me is really bad.but to me.let Allah pay them.is not my right to pay them.i know.when people like me with full of sin talk about religion its look awkward.but people changed.i really want the new life.seriesly,after all this things happend,my heart open wisely.full of support.i was studpid also.i should not reply even one of her mail.but i cant.i want her to know betapa seksa sakitnya aku.but i can't be harsh.not my way.but if i speak with her thru phone yes.i dont think i cant control my emotion.nasib baik dia pun tak setuju.alhamdulillah.but kelemahan aku adalah,when people came and ask for appologize i cant say blah lah kau.siapa aku ni?manusia hina je.eventhough she did wrong,i still and will be ok if she talk with me in a good way.i dont say that i believe in karma.i said.what u do u'll get back.baik dibalas baik.jahat di balas jahat.she's got strong point when she said they cant avoid when its come to feeling.yes you're very right my dear.but how bout my feeling?just throw away into the dustbin.that is what both of u did.am sorry.maybe u will say that my action speak loud than my words.you're right.reverse phsycology or whatsoever.just try get in my shoes.sorry and sorry and sorry

not on my shoes

dont jump into conclusion.sapa yg buat conclusion?like this.senang cakap.you tak kena you cant feel it.thats all.yes.i did accept the fact that we're not meant.and i do syukur sangat because Allah show me the right way.c'mon girl.he lied to me and i even dnt know since when and how he started it with you.i just hope that u will not face the same thing because i think he's sincere and really want u as his soul partner.he willing to leave me and choose u.he do that because am not his type.im not good for him.i cant take a good care of him.he leave me because of my mistake.so just let clear this thing.a months plus already.no tears anymore.he's not in my mind anymore,u can happy with him.i know he can make u happy more than anything.give chance to another guy?omg..so easy to say right.am not pretty like you.am not really good like you.bukan bermaksud saya tak bukak hati ntuk org lain because of him.tak langsung.for me.let me focus on my aim first.study and study.lelaki tu pasangan tu InysaAllah,Allah dah tentukan masing2 punya partner.let it comes by itself.InsyaAllah.im not going to find a guy to replace him.saya 20 tahun baru,not the right time yet to think bout this.lastly...engkau tak salah apa pun.tak ada siapa yang salah.yang salah tu saya. sekian :)

new spirit

assalamualaikum.hello..selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin.
forget the past.your past was too shit farah.yes.that is what im going to do.InsyaAllah.Allah akan bantu hambaNya yang teranaiya.aku bukan semulia junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.luka sakit hati aku terlalu dalam.aku manusia biasa yang jahil lagi hina.you're actually dont deserve any forgiveness.yeahhh you ca happy now.maybe Allah dont show it for you now.but one thing for sure.u'll get back what u did.i can forget you.i can live without u.in plus.my life happier without you.eventhough i've to survive alone here.because all your promise is such a rubbish.and am not regret at all because u're not mine anymore

your words

hello assalamualaikum.dear Allah s.w.t.i cant bear my feeling,its been a month plus we broke up.but still i cant 100% forget him.yes i tried.sometimes i can sometimes so sudden all the memories between us cross on my mind.really suck.but i did action.like deleted all of his photos our photos.all the thing he gave to me.even the thing that i bought together with him also i put away.like perfume we bought at langkawi airport.masih banyak.but i cant use it anymore.clothes.slipers.i dont deleted.i remove it from my phone and transfered to my computer.its not good for me to throw people photos.its like menghina.all his email,text i deleted.but i just can remove it from my phone but to remove it from my mind its take time.'i'll loving you for the entire of my life'..bullshit.you can love anybody that u think ahh dia ni lagi lawa lagi syok.so yg lama u can leave just like u change ur clothes.yes..that is you.but 2 3 years tu lama faham tak.u can leave me.but not on this way.when the time i really fucking need u.but its ok..i can live without you.. thats all

you're

can happy eat together.break fast together.laughing together.without any guilty on you.after what u did to me.kejam.that is only word that suit for you.after what i had sacrified for u.u leave me for someone else.she should be proud because of that.u treat me like i dont have a family.listen and look.i still having them.if i tell them what is actually happend if if.but i dont want it to happend.but you,be gentleman.u can ask for'perpisahan' but do not give such an idiot stupid reason.just say'saya ad gf lain,sy dah tak da apa2 perasaan kt awk,sy dh bosan dgn awk blah blah blahh..'kan lagi gentleman.kita semua ni dah full with sin,jgn tambahkan lagi.penipuan yang kau buat kat aku dh tak terjwp,tak tertipu,tak terkawal lagi dah.terpulangla.i know,am not that good.tapi dia khianati saya,dia menipu sy,ambil kesempatan kt sy.please ingat 1 hal.aku masih ada keluarga yg boleh protect aku.klau kau cerita kat kakak kau,kakak kau boleh sound2 ak balik,aku pun ada abg.abg kandung aku.darah daging aku.apa yg both of you buat kat saya mmg 1 penghinaan yg paling dasyat dlm hidup aku.insyaAllah,Allah akan balas dan makbulkan doa hamba yang teranaiya.aku tak kan berhenti berdoa.InsyaAllah...

i know that girl is you

i know u're the one with him right now.itulah yang paling menyakitkan.terima kasih.i meet u.i know u dear.yes.all happend was unplanned.yeah u're right.and i dont blame and will never blame u or him.all this happend because of me.i cant take a good care of him.i cant make him really in love with me.2 3 years with him is meaningless for him.but for me idk.whether to take it as a memorable one or not.its really hurting me girl.i think u understand my situation.this is my first time.mmg saya pernah bercinta seblum dgn dia.tapi itulah karma hidup ni.dulu saya tak hargai org.now i got what i did to people.now ur bf do not appreciate me even a single thing i did for him.tooo much thing happend between us.but i already keep it away from my mind and will never let people know.hopefuly he also can do the same thing.he's not my first love.but the way he loved me like he's my first love.no.am not going to tell how he loved me.no need.because now,he have u,u have him.past is past,over is over.he wanna marry u.Alhamdulillah.marry??Ya Allah.my tears drop.he with another girl.honestly girl,i never imagine that our relationship end.sumpah atas nama Yang Kuasa.tapi kta manusia lemah.we can plan here there,but the one who decide is Allah.I do accept the fate that he's not meant for me.maybe he's meant for you.InsyaAllah.i just have one request dear Allah.bahagiakan dia bersama dengan perempuan yang dia pilih,iaitu perempuan itu yg pasti bukanlah aku.bersama dengan siapa pun,bahagia kan dia.. Amin.

you'are wrong.sorry girl

reading your blog made me feel something else.u're totally wrong my dear.i don't hate him.sounds stupid right eventhough he did  very bad things to me but am still cant hate him.why must i hate him?why must i feel disgusted with him?no need all that thing.we meet we knew in a good way,when broke off why must to hate to each other?no.that is not my way.no.am not lying to myself.yeahh ofcourse it very hard for me so much.but what else i can do.he choosed u.i cant force him to love me back or idk maybe he never love me at all.if he did love me,he wont do this to me.if he still can think and recall what had i did to him,he wont soo easy forget me like that and treated me like a very dirty rubbish.maybe he can because he have u by his side.you'll always by his side.not like me.i know that very well.u no worries my dear.i'll always pray to Allah hopefuly u can happy with him.i was happy with him.InsyaAllah.saya tak dapat nak jaga dia sebaik mungkin.hopefuly u can take a very good care of him.dont make him disappointed like what he did to me.sakit sangat.maybe u're the one that destined to be his wife,gf,friend.not me.last time,he said,thank you Allah for give me to him.now u're the one for him.may Allah bless both of you.i wont never try to get him back.once i vomit and he vomit wont change anything.

what we did Allah will pay

not her mistake.but his mistake.he wouldnt satisfy with what he got.he wouldnt satisfy with one girl with him.i never expect that this all fucking shit happend to me.yes.This is from Allah.at first,very hard for me.everyday i cried.but what i got?nothing.he can laughing at me.happy when he leave me.he betrayed me Ya Allah.so deeply.what else i should do dear Allah.everything i did for him.everything.be patient with all problems between us.how does he act sometime make me feel like to run away from him.but i cant.i should leave him when i knew he cheated me.but am still gave him chance.he cried infront of me.his tears was so sincere.until the time he want to leave me also he cried too much.but idk,what does it meant by his tears?what make me so sad is when my friends call me,and they said'kenapa blh jd mcmni farah,ya Allah ak tak sangka,betul ke??'.. i could not hold my tears to drop.what can i say is we're not meant together.thats all..u know that am willing to do anything for u,but still u're looking flirting with others girls.what actually u want from me?if u dont want me anymore,what are u waiting for?just say it.what must u wait till i come to kl?i know.u may feel arghhh how a relief when u leave me.u can go on with ur gf.hope u'll happy with her.but u must know one thing that,u make me suffered,u tortured my heart.one day,u'll feel exactly like what i feel now.

unforgiven

last time,i was telling the world that u're meant for me.u're the one for me.u're the best for me.u're everything to me.same goes to you.when everyday u said iloveyousomuch imissyousomuch.now u can simply switch to other girl/gilrs.sometimes it remind me with all that things.can people imagine?no.nobody.we'll celebrate ur birthday no matter how.so fucking shit all ur words.u're too easy making a promise.but to fulfill it.i never expect that i used harsh word to u.but now am totally cant control my emotion.last time i was sad,and still hoping that we can still rebuild our relationship.but now,even to hear ur name i cant.its not the thing that i hate u.no.i'll never hate u.eventhg u treat me like a rubbish.yes u're.u treat me like a rubbish.i do forgive u.but the most important thing is to ask for forgiveness from Allah.not me.i got what i did.Allah pay me on this way.its hard.but i've to.u have to remember,u live u happy and all what u have now its not totally urs.what u did,u'll get back.

on my birthday

alhamdulillah.23.julai 2012,yesterday,am 20 years old already.not big enough.but can feel what is life all about.the sadness birthday ever.am far apart from my family.my sis was the first person wish me.followed by  my classmates.fb's members.my family.i miss them so much.i miss ipoh.i miss kampus.i know,at kampus it will remind me bout him.what make me feel sad??we just broke not even for a month.and he did not text me or wish me.how could him do this to me??its toooo easy for him to forget me?i know.becuase he already have another since when idk.but one thing for sure,he just wait for a right time to tell me.and he choose when i reach kota damansara for my trainning.what a heaven.its fucking damn sad.but i faced it.maybe when he leave me,actually it is beginning of my life that is what my family and friends said.but for me,idk.yes.i want to think like that.but i wont lie to my self.not easy for me to get him rid from my mind.because he always in my mind for a several years!Ya Allah.i know,You know what is the best for us.InsyaAllah,i'll guide my ownself to be a better muslim also from my family.i dont need anybody yet,anybody else to guide me.only Allah and my family will always be my side.On my birthday,i wish,i could forget him.not to remember even a single thing we did together or whatsoever.that is my promise.first thing to do is,keep away all our pictures.InsyaAllah.Selamat ulangtahun kelahiran buat diri aku sendiri yang ke 20 tahun.Alhamduillah.

manusia paling kejam adalah engkau

salam bloggers.
dah masuk 3minggu aku macam org bodoh gila.at first,i really dont want to hate u.but today..i know the true colour of you guy!i was bersyukur sgt kat Allah.our relationship end here.yeahhh i was fucking sad.but not now.today.i wanna tell the world that i hate u.u're such a useless guy i ever knew.ya Allah.he lied to me for a long time.i dont want to see you anymore.even to hear ur name i cant.yeahhh.i try my best.i was so stupid when i said.my life end when u leave me.hahaha.so gila bodoh kan.actually,its a beginning of my life.u leave me just for a person u know for a month.hey you.Allah is Maha Besar,Maha Adil.u'll get what u did.i know.am full with sin.i did sin.but my sin cant reach the sin that u did to me and also to others girls!no more tears will drop for a person like you.now,u can happy with ur life.all your fucking promised to me i throw away already.now,u can promise to ur new gf.i hope u can fulfill it to her.not like what u did to me.i was unfortunate.till now.i still keeping all our photos.but after i go back home,i'll throw it away.i dont want to keep a memories with a person like u.u said kononya tak kan lupa aku sampai kau mati.tolong la anggap aku tak pernah wujud.sepertimana ak nak anggap kau pun macam tu.terlalu byk ak sabar dengan kau.begitu jugak dgn kau kan.aku bersyukur.kononya 'u re the best i ever had'..go away.all that bullshit thing.tapi u know what,i cant hate u.but i'll forget u.i'll.u treated me like am ur only queen.now when u meet someone else that prettier.i should know u from ur face actually.i shouldnt accept u last time.its not ur mistake.it was my mistake.Ya Allah.bukan berbulan aku dengan dia.just in a second he threw me like a dirty rubbish.swear.yeah truly say that i love you so much.till now am still thinking wheter u're ok or not.have u take ur meal or not.when i told my friend,they said dont be stupid.am not like u,easy come easy go.i know.u treat girl so heaven.that is why they really in love with you.like what u did to me too.i was like in a heaven when am with u.all ur words wont fade away from my mind.its too sweet.but i wont take it as a memorable.dont get me wrong.and one thing.pleasee.do remember what people had done for you when u're in trouble.lastly.semoga awak bahagia dgn sesiapa saja yang akan bakal jadi pendamping hidup awak.now..i really2 accept that you're not meant for me...

sudah cukup

tears.tears.tears.i hate it when it droped.but what can i do?your tears,oh my god,makes me wanna scream over!i cant see ur tears pelase.leave me,but do not crying infront of me.i cant handle it.u cried too much.its not the thing i judge u based on ur tears.but i know how u feel when u said it.i cant be selfish.ur responsiblities to her is more than me.i try to get it and to accept it.ye awak.mmg berat.berat sgt kot.one thing for sure is..even if i meet someone else,i dont think i can focus on him like what i did with you.no YM,no SKYPE.no GOOGLE TALK.no WEBCAM..its just can remind me bout you.yeahh over is over.done.in one side she so lucky for having u,but in the other side i dont know.i know,u can love them as much u love urself.is it possible for me to forget u?u said,sampai kiamat sy tak kan lupakan awk.insyaAllah.and alhamdulillah kalau benda tu betul2 jadi.hidup sy bukan mcm org lain.sepanjang kehidupan aku insyaAllh nak msuk 20 tahun ni,aku kehilangan 2 org yg sgt bermakna dalam hidup aku.on 2010,i lost my very best frend forever.when am losing her, u came to my life.Allah saja tahu.now 2012, i lost u just because of ur mistakes.but we're human.always do mistakes.i know.i can feel that ur love to me before is very sincere.but what can we do.we're not meant together.this is our fate.i've to accept it.HAVE TO.we cant talk for this few days after what had happend.u need to have ur time same goes to me.

i let you

hello my blog.i miss you blog.people asked me to c'mon,start a new life farah.wake up.this is not the end of your life.yes i know.but i need time.i cant talk to other guy,go out with other guy just like that.ouhh since u are now single u can find a new bf?? not! ujian Allah kat aku terlalu berat,berat sangat.tapi aku tak berdaya apa2 selain dari berdoa redha.its over between us.thats all.aku kat sini,berjauhan dgn family atas tujuan utama iaitu PRAKTIKAL.mak abah, doakan aku selalu.itu pasti.insyaAllah setiap apa yang terjadi ada hikmah.AMIN....

over

bersujud berdoa agar dikuatkan hati dan ditambahkan iman di dada.semua yang berlaku pasti ada hikmah.dalam perhubungan yg serba happy, tapi setiap yg manusia rancang tak semestinya menjadi.yang menentukan hanya Allah S.W.T.yeahhh.mmg sakit gilaa tu Allah je yang tahu.klau iman takda kat dada mcm2 boleh jadi.mungkin dgn musibah dan dugaan yg Allah bg sebab Allah sayangkan hambanNya.InsyaAllah.