in trouble.Ya Allah.

i cried.bila aku terpaksa limit kan penggunaan duit aku.never face this situation.i face this when mak abah not around.last time.i can say what i want and will get it.this week i think i want to fasting.instead of tak makan.better i fasting.insyaAllah.pahala dapat.Ya Allah.this is my first time stay apart from my family.mak abah.so i got that experience.trouble.short in money.mak abah yes they can support me.but i dont want it.too much more thing they have to think and support.especially for my youngest brother.he just started his new life.study at UNIKL used a lot of money.at the beginning it was ok maybe.so i fix it on this way.i just take my meal on lunch only.breakfrst i just ate roti 50cent with mineral water.and lunch i take rice with soup is about rm6.enough.plus.i can get back my old weight.my aim.to lose my weight. kurus kembali!hati tak senang kan makan tak berapa nak lalu.plus dengan hidup susah when i stay far from my family.my allowance only for my house rent.i made promise with mak abah.i wont ask them for house rent.even if i dont eat.as long as i can survive.i'll.insyaAllah.now.aku tgh sakit kepala.Ya Allah.aku memang mudah sgt sakit kepala.dan bila sakit kepala aku serang,bukan mudah nak hilang.telan la panadol brpa bijik pun.payah nak hilang.Ya Allah.sembuhkan lah penyakit sakit kepala ku ini Ya Allah.sakit kepala aku bukan sakit sikit2.sakit tahap nak menangis pengsan.

hope-Allah permudahkan segala urusan aku sepanjang aku praktikal kat sini..Amin-

wanna scream

dear Allah.i dont want to work there anymore.i dont want to go back to kota damansara anymore.i hate being there so much.too much shits memories there.i want to stay here with my family and my friends.3months for me to finish up my praktikal.dear Allah.insyaAllah.every week aku akan balik ipoh.being there just for my praktikal.ya Allah..aku tak nak balik sana.i miss my past life.without 'him' in my life.i miss go to class every morning at 8a.m.sometimes i feel so lazy then i'll call my lecturer n said that miss am not feeling well.so happy.maybe im not really into what people call'work experience work life'..i know its so heaven.by having gain your own money.for this time being,maybe im not yet.if you're happy with ur work everthing will fine.but not me.so fucking shit.can u blah from my life.i want to do the same thing like what you do laa.damn!why why why!!!!seriesly.i need new enviroment please.took pictures together with a sweet smiles auwww so sweet right.can smile can happy.like a phrase 'kebahagian mu di atas penderitaanku'.aku percaya pada keadilan Allah S.W.T wahai manusia.engkau buat hidup aku macam dalam separuh gila.kosong.hancur lebur bagai apa lagi dah tak tau dah.its look like how stupid you're farah!but what can i do.berserah berdoa.InsyaAllah.

i should not

the mosy stupid thing i did is gave her chance to explain and appologize?damn.my friends please do not blame me.you know me well.she started in polite way  why must i be rude?im not that rude right.i know.what they did to me is really bad.but to me.let Allah pay them.is not my right to pay them.i know.when people like me with full of sin talk about religion its look awkward.but people changed.i really want the new life.seriesly,after all this things happend,my heart open wisely.full of support.i was studpid also.i should not reply even one of her mail.but i cant.i want her to know betapa seksa sakitnya aku.but i can't be harsh.not my way.but if i speak with her thru phone yes.i dont think i cant control my emotion.nasib baik dia pun tak setuju.alhamdulillah.but kelemahan aku adalah,when people came and ask for appologize i cant say blah lah kau.siapa aku ni?manusia hina je.eventhough she did wrong,i still and will be ok if she talk with me in a good way.i dont say that i believe in karma.i said.what u do u'll get back.baik dibalas baik.jahat di balas jahat.she's got strong point when she said they cant avoid when its come to feeling.yes you're very right my dear.but how bout my feeling?just throw away into the dustbin.that is what both of u did.am sorry.maybe u will say that my action speak loud than my words.you're right.reverse phsycology or whatsoever.just try get in my shoes.sorry and sorry and sorry

not on my shoes

dont jump into conclusion.sapa yg buat conclusion?like this.senang cakap.you tak kena you cant feel it.thats all.yes.i did accept the fact that we're not meant.and i do syukur sangat because Allah show me the right way.c'mon girl.he lied to me and i even dnt know since when and how he started it with you.i just hope that u will not face the same thing because i think he's sincere and really want u as his soul partner.he willing to leave me and choose u.he do that because am not his type.im not good for him.i cant take a good care of him.he leave me because of my mistake.so just let clear this thing.a months plus already.no tears anymore.he's not in my mind anymore,u can happy with him.i know he can make u happy more than anything.give chance to another guy?omg..so easy to say right.am not pretty like you.am not really good like you.bukan bermaksud saya tak bukak hati ntuk org lain because of him.tak langsung.for me.let me focus on my aim first.study and study.lelaki tu pasangan tu InysaAllah,Allah dah tentukan masing2 punya partner.let it comes by itself.InsyaAllah.im not going to find a guy to replace him.saya 20 tahun baru,not the right time yet to think bout this.lastly...engkau tak salah apa pun.tak ada siapa yang salah.yang salah tu saya. sekian :)

new spirit

assalamualaikum.hello..selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin.
forget the past.your past was too shit farah.yes.that is what im going to do.InsyaAllah.Allah akan bantu hambaNya yang teranaiya.aku bukan semulia junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.luka sakit hati aku terlalu dalam.aku manusia biasa yang jahil lagi hina.you're actually dont deserve any forgiveness.yeahhh you ca happy now.maybe Allah dont show it for you now.but one thing for sure.u'll get back what u did.i can forget you.i can live without u.in plus.my life happier without you.eventhough i've to survive alone here.because all your promise is such a rubbish.and am not regret at all because u're not mine anymore

your words

hello assalamualaikum.dear Allah s.w.t.i cant bear my feeling,its been a month plus we broke up.but still i cant 100% forget him.yes i tried.sometimes i can sometimes so sudden all the memories between us cross on my mind.really suck.but i did action.like deleted all of his photos our photos.all the thing he gave to me.even the thing that i bought together with him also i put away.like perfume we bought at langkawi airport.masih banyak.but i cant use it anymore.clothes.slipers.i dont deleted.i remove it from my phone and transfered to my computer.its not good for me to throw people photos.its like menghina.all his email,text i deleted.but i just can remove it from my phone but to remove it from my mind its take time.'i'll loving you for the entire of my life'..bullshit.you can love anybody that u think ahh dia ni lagi lawa lagi syok.so yg lama u can leave just like u change ur clothes.yes..that is you.but 2 3 years tu lama faham tak.u can leave me.but not on this way.when the time i really fucking need u.but its ok..i can live without you.. thats all